Thursday, April 21, 2005

What is Butthorn enjoying of late???

I have a hard time enjoying things! For one, things are pretty much crap! For two, I am boring. Seriously, not an exciting man. When I was three my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I replied "the man who punches holes in records". I meant this. At no point in time have I been a provider of compelling events. The third reason that I am not too good at enjoyment stems from the fact that the opinions of others magically seem to take precedence over my own. Like this:

Me: I like tables.
Someone else: I do not like tables.
Me: I do not like tables.

I don't know why I do this. I always feel like it's unkind to disagree with people. Freedom of speech is sort of annoying to me. There are just too many options, as far as opinions and things to say go. Sometimes I'd rather have some powerful jerk tell me what to say and think. Isn't that boring? Those are boring words from a boring-ass man! I have often told others, to their rampant disinterest, that I would like for a Japanese man to invent a machine that, when I step inside, will tell me what my favorite food is, what my favorite TV show is, favorite movie, favorite Rick Astley song, and on down the line. I think I would find it enlightening. It would also give me an opportunity to speak with a Japanese man. Those guys are something else!

All right, I can tell you confidently enough that I like the following:

THE SHIELD - Before correcting it, I accidentally wrote THE SHELF. That would be a fine name for a police show. This is an excellent program. You may watch it on the FX channel if you would like, but since something about changing the channel to FX is laborious and nonsensical, you might be better off to rent the DVDs, and that way you can watch the entire season in a sitting, which is what you are going to want to do. Every gross thing in the world happens in it, and people are degraded beyond what any reasonable human would think possible. Pure stress from beginning to end. Clearly Michael Chiklis is a superior performer. Even if he sucked in this, it would be permissable, because he was The Commish. The word "commish", to me, seems like a good alternate name for boiled dinner. "P.U., something smells like a shit-spattering queef!" "We're having commish for supper." "Ah, makes sense." By the way, that was Ed Begley Jr. and his wife talking in that little scene about commish. I would also like to single out Walton Goggins, not only for having an excellent name but for doing a good job playing Shane, a dick with too many teeth. This show will get you all excited. It may incite you to harm others with sticks. Harm rules! I have more to say about this program. I may in fact write about it every day.

ISAAC MITSHERBERTISHI - This isn't his name but you know who I mean, the gay guy who makes clothes and has a show where he hangs out with people. The show for whatever reason has a blindingly white paint scheme (which makes it hard for me and my trusty but overtaxed RF Modulator, which has a problem with brightness) (don't you just love the RF Modulator? You probably don't have one, since undoubtedly you have a nicer TV than I, but still, it's always nice when a new electronic device with a cool Star Warsy name sneaks onto the scene. RF Modulators just kind of came in out of nowhere. I went to Radio Shack with the complaint that my DVD player wouldn't play through my maybe-not-so-up-to-date Zenith, and the man told me rather unexpectedly that I needed to buy an RF Modulator. "Well, all right then!" I remember saying.) but it's worth watching because the guy is so genuinely nice to everyone, and is impressed and surprised by very insignificant things. Generally not a thing happens. It's a good show to slowly wake up to while squinting and frowning and wishing your apartment was nice.

NICE PENS - Pencils are for shitheads. Buy me a nice pen and maybe I won't kill your family.

I like some other things too but my web browser won't stop pretending to load things so I guess that means I need to do something for it. Computers: They don't help.

Bye blokes!


Blogger Bill said...

I'll never look at Ed Begley, Jr. in the same way again. Nor his father, Ed Begley,Sr., who was excellent in "Wild in the Streets."

Your blog isn't log, either, Jer! And to answer the questions you posted over on mine, I run my comments through Haloscan, which allows you to tweak stuff and make it say things like "3 people ate meatloaf today" when there are comments (you can make it say whatever you like though; the meatloaf bit is not required by law. Is this a great country or what?).

And for the picture in your profile, you need to host it at an image server somewhere. Photobucket works well for that. In order to post pictures to regular entries, that Hello thing that Blogger shills for works pretty well.

But I'm rambling on now. Go back to liking things!

7:30 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Okay, I can't link for crap unless blogger does it for me, but the addresses in question are and

I suck at things.

7:31 AM  

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